HURT VERY HURT

Today is sunday, as usual i slept til one pm... Zhenyu having duty today, when i woke up, very hungry so i asked amie to cook me some pasta. Princeton is playing happily by himself in the baby cot. I kissed his cheeks and he giggled.. when i walked away to my room, he began to make noise, i can sense tat he was saying, mummi please dun go away, play wif mi pls. I went back to him again and smile at him. When he saw mi, he smiled. Princeton is going to be 4months next wk, im so happi! Kept thinking the day when he can walk...

I went back to have a nap again at 3pm.. cant sleep well, having nightmares. woke up at 6 and had a bath. After tat, went to buy dinner for amie. Den i went jurong point for pedicure. On the way back while waiting for bus, zhenyu called mi. We chat about the plan tmr. Coz tmr we're going to bring maid and princeton over to my inlaw's place. As both of us will be working tmr, nobody is at hm to oversee the maid. So my FIL took leave to look after them. I told zhenyu tat, pls remind father dont bring princeton out, let him stay at hm. Coz we are not around, i will be worried. Not tat i dont trust my FIL, but as a mother, of course i will be worried when my son is outside, and im not by his side.

I told zy how i feel, saying tat princeton is my son, and i gave birth to him, of course i'll be anxious and worried. Do u know wat zhenyu replied mi?? "Ni hai bu shi kai dao ge chu lai de?" (u aso cut and took the baby out) When i hear this, my eyes gets watery, and less than 3sec, tears flow down like waterfall. I tired to control, but i cant.. my heart hurts, as though a knife pierced my heart into half. i hung down the phone without saying anytin. I shut off the phone too.. Never did i think he would say tis kind of thing to mi. He msg, saying tat he was sori, and he was oni joking. Do u think this kind of sentence u can joke about?

Yes i know i am useless, i did not give birth naturally. I know i'm useless, i cant take the pain. I am guilty for tat, and esp i did not breastfeed princeton... as my wound pain is unbearable, and the contraction gets worse when i tried to breastfeed. So i really hope i can give my boy the best in other things... During my pregnancy, i suffered alot, vomit b4 n after every meal. After operation, though my confinement was well done, n i feel much healthy now, but there are cons on the other side. People wondering y i dont always carry my son? U really think i dont wish to cuddle him? My back began to ache every nite. Whenever i bend down, it hurts. When i carry princeton, my back hurts even more, esp he is putting on weight now. At nite, i cant sleep well, coz i am suffering from backache already. The worst thing is, my hair drop alot alot.. i think im going to turn bold soon.

As my husband, instead of loving me more, he said this kind of comment to his wife. No matter how many sorry he can say, my hurt can never go away. I am terribly upset now, still wondering how could he say such thing to me?? U mean all these while, u had been thinking tat ur wife is not as Wei Da as those who can give birth naturally rite?

Mayb one day i will forgive, but i will never forget.